Eva L Slagle

This man right here means the world to me. I have known him for 10 years now. We could very well be siblings just by how well we read each other’s minds.

I’m sharing his story because, at any moment, any one of us could experience the same pain Budd experienced. We could fall into despair and feel like we don’t matter. Please, don’t judge an addict or anyone who is homeless! Simply because you don’t know their story. Budd Kuyper I love you, sir! You are the reason why Mike Slagle and I serve. You gave us our footing! Thank you for being transparent.

Budd Kuyper

at SOZO the other night the pastor talked about how we measure our lives, not by years, or even months or minutes, but MOMENTS. It made me think of the moment “I died a worthless junkie”. There’s only about 5 people who know this story, but on May 8, 2021, I was in a bad place. I wasn’t currently using, but My friend ( George Carl ) had just died a couple of weeks earlier and i was already in the middle of a personal storm. I was angry at myself for how i talked to and treated my friend the last time i had seen him alive. He had not honored my wishes about certain people in the house while i was out of town and i over overreacted. I was supposed to preside over his celebration of life ceremony, but every time i put pen to paper the emotions were overwhelming. I went to a friends house that morning a complete wreck. She asked me if i wanted something to numb the pain, and i considered the offer for a few moments. I knew she was offering heroin or fentanyl, and opiates were never my thing even during the height of my addiction. I knew she had died herself no less than 3 times using opiates, but at that moment, i didn’t care. It would kill me or it would numb me, and i welcomed either one at that moment. I accepted her offer and she handed me the bundle. she told me “take as much or as little as you want, just leave me half”. Of course to an addict that translated to “take half”. which i did. the “little” amount that was there, i was sure would barely affect me. So i chopped it up and snorted the fentanyl. And almost immediately my pain began subsiding with a euphoric feeling. I laid back enjoying bliss, and at that moment I DIED A WORTHLESS JUNKIE. GONE were all the moments i HELPED people. GONE were all the accolades and positive front page press. GONE were the years of sobriety. GONE were all the moments i helped addicts get to rehab, homeless get housed, people led to the Lord, There was only the moment of my death, high on drugs. What seemed like only a moment later, i opened my eyes to my friend in full hysterics, Crying, and just having finished the 3rd minute of CPR and the second dose of Narcan. At that moment I was given a second chance. well it was likely my twenty SECOND chance, but none with the finality of the previous moment. the 3 1/2 minute moment. The moment that would have been the newspaper article that zeroed out all the positive newspaper articles from the previous 7 years. 1 decision, 1 relapse, 1 moment. That dark moment would have cast a dark shadow over all the other positive moments, People would remember the worthless junkie that died, not the guy who fed the hungry, not the guy that was on fire for God, just the worthless junkie who OD’d! At THAT moment i decided that i would not allow the moment of my death to take away all of my shiny moments